Dayang; 达阳

Forgetful;

2012-02-22T12:27:00.006+08:00

No doubt that i'm getting more forgetful recently with the increased levels of stress accompanied with the submission of a project for my Psychology module. That my friend, is certainly not a good combination. Oh well, moving on.

Valentine's day didn't go according as i thought it would but it's fine, no worries. I spent it with a few of my friends over lunch, bought my mom a rose and went for dance practice after. Nothing special or exciting.

I feel that on Valentine's day, everyone's rather judgmental. As in, if i'm getting a rose, it must be for my girlfriend, if i get chocolates, it must be for my valentine, and also if i wore slightly formal, i must be meeting someone special later (though this was part true, STILL!). No saying it was really detrimental to my mental health whatsoever, it's just a feeling i get and also the what people said to me on that day.

To me, Valentine's day is a reminder to love. Love with no regrets, love with no boundaries. It's a reminder to love yourself and to love others. It doesn't necessarily have to be your "other half", so to speak, or a date. It reminds me to love my family, friends, and also everyone around me. Valentine's day doesn't have to be all that lovely dovey shit, it could just be a day to remind everyone around that you appreciate their presence, those that aren't around anymore didn't deserve the appreciation and those that are around have shown you their love.

Okay, need to get back to my work soon.

I enjoy the company of friends, enjoy good music and enjoy good food. Just wanna take this opportunity to show appreciation to my sorta "long lost" friend, the initiation and courage took to make that call was great appreciated, i enjoy the conversation we had, study hard!

To all my other friends, thanks for being there, being right here.

Post delayed

2012-01-19T23:59:00.003+08:00

Meant to post this sooner, but i just don't know what i want to write about. It's probably the festive season mixed with the extreme stress from school, not a good combination, not really enjoying much. haha. Oh well, I guess everything'll be fine eventually.

We ALWAYS pull through.

Ending this post off with a dope track.

Romance, by House Rulez

Every 19th;

2011-12-19T00:28:00.006+08:00

I suppose I've made it a habit to post on every 19th, it doesn't really mean anything i guess, but.. yeah, it seems that for the past few times, it just happens coincidentally, but today, i'm doing this for someone. Nothing special, just being reminded to do so. So, basically, life after examination is rather... stressful, surprisingly. I've no idea why i'm all stressed up over nothing. I mean, exams are over and Christmas is around the corner, i'm totally clueless as to why I'm feeling so, and there seems to be no way to curb this feeling.

On a side note, things have been going well for me i guess. Friends are awesome, dance is fine, and my family couldn't be any happier together. I would love for this to continue but something seems to be missing, that subtle yet salient feeling seems rather contradicting but somehow, true. I don't know what i'm saying but oh well, life gets you spinning round and round at times, and for all you know you might end up back where you originally started.

What you've left behind in the past, what you've decided to give up in the past and what you've missed in the past may suddenly seem really important to you. It may be something, some day or even some one who allows you the freedom of having to feel intrigue about yourself because you may think that your life has been set in stone, but all these people around you, reminds you that it's not.

- Always keep an open mind, and always on a search for opportunities and chances.

They sure don't know what it feels like;

2011-11-19T12:59:00.003+08:00

Maps, by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

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Feeling all emotional. It may be the stress of work, it may be the worries of not putting enough effort in dance, it may be the regrets of my decisions or it may just be all the emotions elicited from this song. Haha, oh well.

I wished I don't have to fucking feel this way.

Waiting;

2011-10-19T04:37:00.006+08:00

While waiting for my song to download, I shall resume blogging about something.

Let's see.. I've touched on life, sad relationships, heartbreaks, heartache. So this should be something totally different. Something that's not too hard to decipher, and not too easy to misunderstand.

Okay... nevermind, I can't think of anything though I'm not feeling any good. This channel of expression/communication is sorta dying out.

Let's just end off with something i came across yesterday.

And my download has completed.

Ready?

2011-09-19T00:59:00.008+08:00

This is or may be the post that was never meant to be published.

I have no idea why i wrote that first line of this post. Reflex? Maybe, though it does add a tinge of mystique or anonymity to what's gonna be written in my post i suppose. Life's been well, since i last updated, which was more than a month ago. Many things may have changed within these few weeks. Well, I witnessed people walk in and out of my life, things that i did that i couldn't explain myself, discovered more about myself too (like i always do).

I always believe things happen for a reason, the reason why i'm apart from you, the reason why we aren't who i want us to be, the reason why i still do feel. To get all emotional and stuff, i would say something like "I miss you" or something even more mushy but i just couldn't get the right word or even stand the thought of such a word now that i am feeling the way i am now.

But the truth may be that i don't even know what i'm feeling! Hahaha, the irony of life knocks me down to the very earth we stand everyday. Faced with countless of opportunities, numerous chances, an abundance of options and things i should or shouldn't have done; i'm well, doing really well mainly because i finally feel sorta comfortable with where we are right now.

Leave with this, you're either in or out, either you love it or you don't. Do things that you know you'll never regret; go with what you feel is right. Think you got it? Think again.

Music;

2011-08-09T03:13:00.002+08:00

Have you ever experienced a change in emotion and feelings as each song plays? Or do you change the song that's playing to fit your feelings?

I suppose it works both ways. Well, that was just like a random question.

My 8th of August, didn't really go too well. Besides a bad day at school and a bad time at dance. I discovered many things about my emotions. I found out more about myself. Not that finding out more about myself is a bad thing, but rather it's really dwelling that I did.

I didn't expect myself to be really depressed most of the time, i didn't speculate that i'll lead a life as such, neither did i predict that i would be who i am today. Well, ups and downs of life, valuable life lessons, memorable memories made with amazing people, these are the things that i keep in mind. People come and go, and you don't know who's gonna stay and who's gonna leave in a bit. It's fair to say that i've cherished the people who came into my life, and walked off, it should be appropriate to say that i will treasure each and every friendship, each and every possible one.

I wanna thank the people that made me smile regardless of my ridiculously foul mood.

Yes, i'm talking about you. Thanks for being here/there.

Don't forget, don't regret, I'm always here;

2011-07-19T01:00:00.007+08:00

Don't You Remember, Adele

picture taken with my iPhone.

//////

It's been awhile since i've last posted anything on this long forsaken blog. I miss the feeling of typing out what i'm feeling onto this small little window and sorta relieve and express myself, without any judgement being made. Also, by verbalizing all my feelings, i think i sorta get to know myself better? In terms of, managing those feelings, because knowing the cause of the problem, i would be able to determine the solution.

I suppose, i've been fine these few days, during the holidays, it was just basically, enjoying life as it is in Korea, where all we did was chill, dance, drink, hang. Nothing too hard to explain nor too easy to decipher. During the 11days trip to Korea also made me realize what it is that i was feeling. I mean, the reason to why i was feeling that way. It made me realize, it's okay.

Being happy with your life isn't determined by the number of friends you have, or the amount of times you shagged, neither is it based on how rich you are, etc. I realize, it all comes down to, how satisfied you are, i mean, how you could make the best outta everything in your life, being content that they are there. Being gracious of the food you eat, being kind towards the people you meet, and most of all, loving the ones whom love you too.

No doubt, i still miss the life i had, but there's seriously nothing i can do about it anymore. I wanna thank the people who left me, the people who hurt me, the people who loved me. They are the ones who shaped me, they made me who i am today, for that, i'm fortunate. Without those miserably depressing times, i wouldn't cherish what i have so much right now. Without those heartbreaking moments, i wouldn't know how happy i could be. Without those tormenting moments, i wouldn't work so hard to right the wrongs in myself.

I don't wish to be always right in whatever i decide, because sometimes the wrongs in my choices make me discover and learn about myself so much more. So basically, what i'm trying to say is, fuck all the things that you think screws you up, fuck all the people who looks down on you.

BUT, never fuck your life.

Intimacy VS Isolation ;

2011-05-29T03:22:00.012+08:00

picture taken with my iphone.

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This is technically my 300th post. Each time i notice how fast the days are passing, and how fast we're all growing, scares the crap outta me. Nonetheless, i suppose all of us learnt to face it, either the hard or easy way.

I don't really know what i've been going through lately, i mean, i don't understand why i was feeling what i was feeling; don't understand why i was doing what i was doing; don't understand why i was saying what i was saying. Being intoxicated or not, makes me think about life as it is. Whether it being good or bad, life tends to unfold as we grow older. We get to see how people change over time, and also how some of the things in life that seem to stay the same.

The recent days have been rather bad for me lately. Going through what in mind, they call "Actualizing" ain't easy at all. Facing facts and facing the world, makes me reflect and think about why i'm here, standing. What was my purpose in life, and what shaped me. Yes, i suppose experience makes you a better person, because we tend to learn from our past experience. All of us tries to improve ourselves to make people around us feel better, and also to make ourselves feel better.

We always talk about how much we feel for ourselves, when actually, we spend most of our time thinking about what others feel about us. What we think of how we are, depends on how we perceive on how other perceive us. Views from a different perspective; views from a different opinion; views from a different person, molds our self identity.

Also, i wanna thank one of my dearest friend from my class, Rachael. For staying by my side and cheering me on. Besides being a wonderful confidante and an amazing friend, she looks out for me. Well, i don't think i need lotsa friends, actually i don't think we all do, what matters most is that particular moment when you need someone to be there for you, you know who to look for. For me, it's Rachael. For that i thank her for being there for me at my lowest. Thanks Rach.

Ultimately, what i'm trying to say here is that, i suppose i should stop thinking and actually start doing. Start feeling better and start moving forward for a better future. Stop feeling and start going. Life just keeps going on, no matter how hard you may try to stop it, it'll pass you by relentless without turning back. So, i hope i'll get by, for time awaits no man.

Stop dwelling and start living.

Anyone else but you;

2011-05-19T02:15:00.010+08:00

picture taken with my iphone.

//////

Things should be said to have taken a change for me. For better or for worst, well, i suppose it's too early to tell. I'm suppose to be feeling really happy/jubilant/joyous, idk, i'm suppose to feel good. But I'm not really glad about it yet, i mean.. yeah. It's a really complicating feeling that i really just can't grasp what's wrong neither could i decipher my thoughts about it. This is basically a passing(?). I sincerely hope it is, because it's a really terrible thing to go through. Rather tormenting, i would say.

The things that i thought i knew for sure, i don't think i still do. All the people that i thought i knew very well, i don't think i still do. All the shit that has been going on that i thought was over, i don't think they are.

I just hope tomorrow would be a better day.

Oxymoron;

2011-05-02T00:26:00.003+08:00

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Life at times is paradoxical. Some times I feel like I should stop, and at other times I shouldn't. I'm happily sad(?). I mean i'm happy that i'm feeling sad because I know i'm the only one feeling this way. Somehow, I feel like i've been telling truthful lies(?). I mean I tell you how I feel but I don't really mean what i'm saying.

What i'm trying to get across is, there's too many uncertainties that we'll never ever get down with, too many troubles to worry about, too many situation to better. For all there is, treasure and cherish what you have now, before it's long gone.

still remember how i used to do this, to write little notes to you.

Soul & Funk

2011-04-18T01:41:00.006+08:00

Chocolate Buttermilk, Kool & The Gang.

Picture taken with my iPhone.

Sometimes, we gotta take it slow, and feed our souls with a funky beat like this. Haha. It really just makes me wanna groove to the beat.

//////

I suppose, our lives are only as good as we imagined it to be, or rather how we perceived the things around us. The duration of 3 years and a really good book finally made me realize, i've a colorful life (metaphorically speaking) despite the things i've come across/experienced. And that i should really start treasuring and cherishing each and everyone around me because our lives are so fickle and transient.

To everyone that read this short column of my blog,

THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE!

p.s i've recently revived my twitter, hook me up (@leebiggoat) if you're keen to know my updates or if you're a friend of mine!

Word has it;

2011-04-12T00:54:00.003+08:00

I haven't lazed at home for a while like today. It is certainly not an enticement to be bored at home with nothing to do but it's definitely pleasurable to just lie in bed and think about life, after all i suppose i could list down " thinking about life " as a hobby of mine.

[My hobbies : dancing, collecting stamps, thinking about life.]

I suppose i do it often, especially after i've experienced or i've observed something about us, humans. Or, i could also be affected deeply after watching a good film. I suppose it doesn't take much to send me into that trance, where many questions pop up in my head, asking me about what i was going to be or what i was going to do.

I reckon that life has it ways to make everything alright, it may be a strange sense of naivety still lingering in me that makes me feel this way, or maybe just the hope an average, everyday conversation gives me.

Whatever it is, life's definitely worth living.

Life just goes on;

2011-04-09T01:49:00.005+08:00

Regret, Robot Ate Me

//////

Come back, from your lonely stand,
Come back, face the world you've left.

Earth Hour;

2011-04-02T00:14:00.007+08:00

Picture 1,3 taken by my iphone, remaining pictures with a Nikon D90

2,5,6,7 taken by my younger brother, remaining by me.

//////

A really tiring day leads to a short post today. This is actually the first promise that i've ever made and fulfilled

On the 26th of March, during earth hour, my brother and i decided to go out to spend the hour. We first wondered around the neighborhood to check out the considerate and thoughtful people who actually bothered to turn off their lights, then we went through the park around our place then marched straight for Parkway parade for some refreshments and then headed home. In summary, it was actually a fun night out with my bro, haha.

We often think of things that we'll never attempt. But if we really put our heart into it and feel it, we can take on the world.

SNEAK;

2011-03-29T01:45:00.004+08:00

Pictures taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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How did you spent your earth hour 2011?

My brother and I decided to go out and see the number of people who actually bothered to shut their lights and "save" the world. Throughout this "outing", my brother, armed with his camera, and I, with a pathetic iPhone camera, took pictures of the things that we deem pleasant to us.

1. Checking the pictures i took.

2. Taking another picture of the building we saw.

(1&2 I have to admit i stood there on purpose because i think a picture from there would look great. haha)

3. For those who are my friends on Facebook, this picture is part of the "makings" of the current display picture.

To keep it short, this is just a post to get me through the night, i'll certainly post some of the pictures we took later this week, probably in about 2-3 days.

Till then!

Summer at it's best;

2011-03-25T00:31:00.007+08:00

shirt(h&m), pants(zipia), shoes(zipia), bag(cousin yanhua's)

Photos taken by : My cousin yanhua, with a Nikon D90

(these pictures were taken during CNY)

//////

It's been awhile since i've posted any looks on my blog, probably because i'm not really able to create new looks. Well nowadays, i spend most of my time, as you may have guessed, breaking. I couldn't really imagine my life now, without dance. Maybe i would have continued playing basketball?

Well, i don't know about that 'cause apparently there's no "what ifs" in this world. The cold hard truth about the world is that, once a decision is made, it's made for good. It won't change because you regretted, neither would it change to see if it'll turn out better. You've just gotta live up to what you've decided and hope for the best.

Sometimes i feel like every little decision we make, would change the world for us. Think about it, i mean, try to digest it. Every little decision, makes us different; every little decision, makes us who we are; every little decision, shapes us.

//////

MrBrightside.

2011-03-18T01:49:00.002+08:00

Photo taken with my iPhone.

//////

After seeing the horrible catastrophe that has devastated Japan, things have taken a change for me. I realized life's too short to hate, regret and dwell. It really changed the way i look at things.

Also, bboy has been a blast for me, after the sorta "recovery" from the fractured knuckle, I've been breaking, daily. I suppose i've learnt to live my life to the fullest and also enjoy what i love doing the most.

Suppose;

2011-03-06T23:57:00.003+08:00

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I suppose someday, at some point i'll get over all this. But i'm certain that it's definitely not now.

Times have really been rough lately, i haven't really got any sort of closure that i thought i would have. There are certain doubts and guilts have rendered me to become a even more depressed little kid who have apparently lost the one he loved most.

Of course i would love to live life that i used to, singing all my joys or worries away, but i just couldn't convince myself that my life has been great. One thing's for sure, i've got an awesome family that i really love. Besides all the emotional support that i've got from my family, i'm also really grateful for all the support that i've got from my friends (if i have any.).

I've just got one last thing on my mind that has been bothering me a lot though,

Are we still friends? And what does it mean to be friends?

Don't forget me;

2011-02-20T23:48:00.003+08:00

Someone like you, Adele

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At times when you're all alone, are you like me?

Just wondering if you actually make a difference in the world and if anyone would catch you when you fall.

It's just a few days away from the final year examinations, and i'm kinda stressed out over the same things, revision, revision & revision. Time to really pick myself up and not think about you.

Concentration is the key.

Realize;

2011-02-12T23:50:00.004+08:00

blur vision; what was clear in the past seems blurred and confusing in the present.

//////

It hasn't been the greatest time for me, just recently, i fractured my right knuckle.

Had to go for operation to get it fixed, and well the stay at the hospital got me thinking about too many things.

It's when i'm all alone when i came to realize who or what meant the most to me.

Bboy, Family, Studies, You.

It's also when i realized, i couldn't stop thinking about you, and that i haven't really moved on like i thought i did. And it ain't the best feeling in the world. It's really time to pack it all up and face the facts.

shit this wack situation.

Feeling alright;

2011-02-01T13:38:00.003+08:00

shirt(JL sales - $10), jumper(uniqlo), pants(zipia), shoes(vans)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

//////

Haven't updated much on my blog because of the number of assignments i have to complete and saying that, i still have 2 more left to complete before cny. Stressed up? kinda.

Well, let's just say i'm feeling alright now, because i've kinda forgot how i used to be before i met you. I'm doing fine with the help of a few of my friends, and of course bboy. So i can say that i will move on.

Of all the things i've said and done,
this is a thing that i've not done;
When saying "i miss you" just ain't nuff',
it is the time to act all tough;
Moving on for a better future,
moving on for a better me.

Because the world don't move to the beat of just one drum.

First step;

2011-01-26T00:21:00.002+08:00

D;

2011-01-21T01:19:00.003+08:00

It's been awhile since i last posted anything. There's just too many things going through my mind right now.

There's school projects, school assignments, my life and you. Well, i suppose you'll never read this post because.. yeah.

It's been alright, i suppose, i'm fine.

With love;

2011-01-15T01:04:00.009+08:00

Under The Moonlight, Travis

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I suppose this will go on indefinitely, i really don't know when it'll stop and when it'll end. There's so many things that we've promised to do together but have not done, i really can't get over us.

Is it really better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all?

Today, i will not think about love;

Today, i will not think about us;

Today, i will not think about how we used to be;

Today, i'll treat you like we just met;

Today, i'm different.

If you're wondering;

2011-01-11T01:45:00.002+08:00

sweater(zipia), pants(vol.ta), shoes(puma)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

//////

Have been shopping online lately because of the job that i got during the holidays. A little extra buck never seem to hurt. These pictures was taken a few days back, this sweater is currently my favorite piece of outerwear, maybe it's because i don't have many.

I feel that the colors of this look really seem to compliment each other, with the grey barricade separating the red and the purple, i was hoping it'll look vibrant.

//////

There's many things that i have experienced in these few days right after i turn 18, many things that i've learnt, many things i have done.

And if you're wondering,

yes, i still love her.

Moments before i turn legal;

2011-01-04T19:40:00.008+08:00

In My Place, Coldplay

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There's so many things that i wanna do before i turn 18, before i turn legal. There's so many things i wanna say to people and there's so many things i wanna change about myself. There's so many things i wanna try and there's so many things i wanna take up.

I wanna tell my friends that i really appreciate them, i wanna tell my relatives that i'm really grateful of their presence in my life, i wanna tell my family that i love them and i wanna tell you that i couldn't live without you.

There's always lots of things that we wanna say/do, even though we could have/should have/would have done it in the past, we just couldn't find the courage to say it/do it.

take the chance, and let it all out.... not

If;

2010-12-31T00:00:00.000+08:00

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It's close to the end of the year, in fact today will be the last day of 2010, and i'm still hung up on her. Somehow, it feels like i've dated back to the time where she and i first met. Everything stayed the same, she's who she is and i'm who i am, but the only difference is that, we no longer share the same feelings.

Everything that i used to remember about us re-surfaced within the last few minutes, With You by Chris Brown, Low by Flo-Rida, No Air by Jordin Sparks, Strawberry lollipops, Phone sock, Kungfu Dunk, $50, 107 straw hearts, dance and 42 days.

People say we shouldn't cry over spilled milk, yeah, i know, but the thing is she's not milk.

I really really really hope, that i'll be better, cause god i'll trade everything i have just to feel better.

Christmas well spent;

2010-12-26T00:12:00.002+08:00

I suppose i'm getting used to being alone.

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Basically, i spent my christmas all alone. Woke up at 12, and started work at 130 till 11, had a break in between where i spent half an hour at Subway eating alone and the other half at my workplace's storeroom. After which i got home by 1130, and had my dinner now i'm blogging and poof, christmas is over for me.

How did you spent your christmas? I certainly hope it's more eventful than mine.

How did i get here? ; Day 290

2010-12-20T00:00:00.004+08:00

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I suppose i'll have to admit that i'm really not okay. I'm not okay with the fact that we'll never be how we used to be, and how we turn out to be like this. Never will i forget the times where we spent each minute thinking about each other, giving each other lollipops as a memento of us meeting, the time when we spend an all-nighter chatting on the phone, hitting a record of 7 hours on the phone, and of course giving me the bragging rights for having sucha amazing girlfriend who cares so much for me.

If i could have one thing right now, i'll want a time machine, not because i could change the fact that we broke up, but i would go back in time just to experience that 41 days we spent together, the 41 days of loving, arguing, hating, then loving again.

I wished that i could go back to the time where we first met but instead of cowardly waving at you in recognition of your presence, i would approach you and tell you how beautiful you are and how much i would love to spend the rest of my life telling you stories of my life and comment on how captivating you look each day.

Dear Deon, i love you.

First day;

2010-12-18T00:00:00.001+08:00

Everything's Not Lost, Coldplay

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Today was my first day working at Parkway parade's Fox outlet, i'll say that it went quite well regardless of the boring hours spent standing and walking around. Finally getting a job and quitting Naive felt awesome.

I suppose working will get you off my mind for a while.

Life In Monochrome;

2010-12-15T22:38:00.002+08:00

Sweater(uniqlo), jeans(topman), socks(?), shoes(converse)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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Even though i do not suffer from monochrome color blindness, sometimes i feel like my life is in black and white. Somehow i feel like i lack colors in my life.

Rainy days alway make me think of you, maybe it's because it was raining the first time i went out with you, maybe it's because you said that you like to walk in the rain, or maybe it's because a rainy day makes me gloomy. What ever it is, i always try to stay calm, and be happy with myself.

I've outgrown myself.

Black is still the new Black;

2010-12-09T00:18:00.006+08:00

black jumper(uniqlo), black tee(U2), pants(vol.ta), shoes(converse), bag(levis)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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Black is commonly known as the color that represents dejection and depression, however, it is also the color that expresses this cool chic in people, which i've come to adore.

If it's true that people tend to choose the color of their clothes depending on their feelings, then on the day that i wore this outfit, i can say that i was truly and really upset over certain things. First, there was this huge amount of stress over the assignments that i've not done. Then, it was the examinations. However, i still put thought what i'm gonna wear, ha.

I've never felt so lonely and sad before, never have i really take time out to think about my life and the people around me. Who i choose to be with, and who i choose to be. If it all comes down to one the one person or one thing i would change myself for, it's definitely you.

Without a doubt, because you make me.

Dance dance dance;

2010-12-05T02:22:00.000+08:00

Not being able to bboy for the past week is really getting on my nerves.

It's been a rather stressful and depressing week for me as the exams are approaching and there's tons of assignments that's due by next week.

Stress stress stress, but not minute have i stopped thinking about you.. corny max. haha.

In pain;

2010-11-29T23:11:00.002+08:00

Better That We Break, Maroon 5

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I never knew perfection till i heard you speak, and now it kills me just to hear you say the simple things.

New perspective;

2010-11-27T01:05:00.003+08:00

shirt(burberry), white tee(zara), jeans(levis), shoes(asos)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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This was what i wore to school on thursday, nothing too simple nor too complex. As always it's all just about comfort and style. Also, on that day itself i thought through lots of things about myself, and sorta reflected about who i've chose to become.

I've learnt to look at things from a different perspective and how to act towards different situation with a different attitude. Because it's always better to please someone than to affect or influence them with what you're feeling, i choose to be happy most of the time whenever i'm with someone. I've also learn to look at small details of everything around me, take notice of it before i miss it, realize that these things shouldn't be taken for granted and no one will die for me.

If you're wondering, i'm not fine. I'm in pain.

Worthwhile;

2010-11-24T19:53:00.003+08:00

Haven't been updating my blog because there's been lotsa things going on recently, performance at oschool recital which was awesome, schoolwork, quizzes and exams right around the corner. I think i've gotta start working harder.

Because i know everything i fight for would be worthwhile.

Simple colors;

2010-11-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

blue hoodie(brother's), chinos(asos), shoes(asos)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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I wanted to attain simple chic by choosing simple colors. One of the reasons why i started posting looks on this blog is because i feel that it's a part of me that i want to express. It's not that i want to be different, it's that i feel happy doing this.

And for now, all i want to feel is "happy".

Everyone wants to change the world;

2010-11-14T22:30:00.001+08:00

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In an instant, i realized that i'm not who i used to be. I'm not the same person who you felt in love with, i'm grown out of lots of things. Tried to change pretty much everything bad about myself and improve myself. Let's face it, people grow up, people learn to change perspective and learn to better themselves. I used to think acting like a bastard was cool because i could get a kick out of it but looking back, i know i was a douche. No matter how much i change myself, and seriously, for the ten thousandth time, i couldn't change my feelings for you. But yes i know i made lotsa mistakes on my way to realization of my feelings for you. And i know that i'm not the guy i used to be,

because i know i lost myself somewhere on the way here.

With you;

2010-11-10T00:00:00.001+08:00

With You, Chris Brown

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This is gonna sound like a cliché, but this song is really awesome. So many unforgettable memories re-surfaced. Pictures of you, pictures of us. Looking back to where we were back then, makes me happy. And for now, it's all that matters.

Just you, me and the whole world to conquer.

There's a light that never goes out;

2010-11-06T21:15:00.003+08:00

There's A Light That Never Goes Out, The Smiths

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It's a really lousy feeling to feel lousy.

This time;

2010-11-03T23:21:00.003+08:00

straw hat(?), tee shirt(flesh imp), pants(crocodile), shoes(asos)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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It's been really rough for me recently, i've really been thinking a lot lately. A little too much i suppose. All the times we spent, all the moments. But i believe that what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger. I just wanna apologize to my friends cause i think i've been kinda moody and stuff.

I think the reason that i'm going to pull through this myself is because it's a lot easier and a lot less troublesome than to rant it out to someone who would probably worry for you or someone who will just ignore what you say.

I just hope i get the chance to talk to you again, deon.

Reason to live;

2010-10-29T23:11:00.000+08:00

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I've found a reason to live, a reason to keep me going, a reason that makes life interesting, a reason to go on without you. Bboy.

I wonder how much i think of you, but the thing is i really don't want to count, i really don't want to know because it'll only remind me that we'll never be what we used to be.

And it sucks.

Waiting for a miracle;

2010-10-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

Sweet Disposition, Temper Trap

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I found my old diary recently and as i was reading it, i flipped to a page that wrote "I'm awesome - ____ ____ (1st intruder of this very special book)" I couldn't use words to describe that moment, it felt so cold. It felt so heart-warming. It felt so surreal.

And we're burning all the memories that used to scream "us".

Straitjacket feeling; Day 199

2010-10-21T23:11:00.008+08:00

Straitjacket Feeling, All American Rejects

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So, it's been awhile. 99 days ago, i came to the decision of not counting the number of days that i've not spoke to her because i wanted to try moving on. I could still remember why i tried to not speak to her in the first place which started the counting of days, i've been bothering her with all the goodnight messages and time and time again made her feel bad for not feeling the same for me. I just felt like a nuisance. I don't want to be that kinda person but i did. So when i made the decision of not talking to her, she said it'll be better for me, but y'know it never did make me feel any better, 199 days later i'm still the same. Yes it might not go on forever or maybe it won't stop. Because she's worth it all, she's worth the wait. All that concerns me now is her, i really hope she'll do fine for her o levels. And no, she won't fail everyone who believed her but make everyone who didn't believe her baffle. That's all i wish for.

Because i swear i won't ever give up.

Drink up;

2010-10-19T12:17:00.003+08:00

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My scars aren't healing right. They reminded me of who i've become, who i've been. It's a good thing to remember all the things i've done that caused me become who i am now.

Drink up, drink up all your sorrows and you'll be fine.

You can't beat the classics;

2010-10-15T01:57:00.006+08:00

Stolen, Dashboard Confessional

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Sometimes, it gets to me how much i should have, could have, would have let you go and start afresh, but if i try to do so, i just feel different. Different about who i've become, different about what i'm feeling, different about being myself.

Somehow, you just seem impeccable, flawless, faultless. As much as i want you back, i really want to let you go and try to start anew, start being someone i should have, could have, would have been. But the fact is, i just get overwhelmed every single time, i just could't walk the talk.

The bad thing about her, is that there's only one of her.

What's important;

2010-10-12T01:13:00.005+08:00

cap(biggest&baddest), black tee(L.O.G.G), jeans(JL sales, $15), shoes(vans)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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This outfit is what i wore to bboy today, which explains the sorta baggy jeans and the big bag that i'm carrying. Comfort and style is both important, ha.

Recently, I haven't been posting looks on my blog or lookbook, i suppose it's because i've discovered something more important, Bboying. It has sorta "overruled" other activities that i used to do really often.

Restore.

Delirious;

2010-10-08T01:08:00.003+08:00

maybe it's really time for me to let go, but i really don't want to.

Got me thinking;

2010-10-04T22:25:00.006+08:00

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Sometimes i wonder what i will like in ten years time, and it really got me thinking. Would i still be dancing? Would i be in a psychiatrist or something related? Would i still be a vegetarian? Would i still be hanging out with my friends that i'm hanging out now? Would i still be waiting for her?

However, after contemplating over this "issue" for days, i decided to let it go and tell myself to live in the moment, think ahead but not too far ahead, have a target but not a thirst.

I also realized how important Bboying is to me, it's no longer a thing i do to kill time, i'll make time for it, to me it's actually more of a lifestyle than a form of dance. I try to bboy as much as i can, even though i've not been training for years & years, but i suppose i've found something that will keep me going.

Resistance;

2010-10-01T23:11:00.002+08:00

Resistance, Muse

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I love how pictures come out naturally even when they are not shot on purpose. A picture is a moment captured, no matter what you're feeling in that moment, it'll never be the same ever again.

Love is our resistance, it'll keep us apart but it won't stop breaking us down.

Running away;

2010-09-29T23:27:00.006+08:00

porkpie hat(asos), shirt(espirit), pants(crocodile), shoes(asos)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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I've recently bought this pair of pants at Crocodile. I had a hard time deciphering what color it was but i concluded that it was blue (after several hints from my mom). Color blindness have not really affected me much besides matching my clothes, however as i look for the color in things around me, i began to notice things more. I began to understand myself more.

And I realized, i was running away from myself to feel what i want to feel.

doubts;

2010-09-26T23:11:00.002+08:00

cap(?), tee shirt(h&m), jeans(topman), shoes(converse)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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Simplicity is the best. Similar to my post Second thoughts, fitting into social norm is actually quite comfortable, but i feel that the tiger face on this h&m tee shirt really helped me look different by being different.

I'm not going 'cause i've been waiting for a miracle. And my miracle is you.

I just ;

2010-09-23T12:34:00.001+08:00

Haven't Met You Yet, Michael Bublé

Photo credit : Rachael Lee, with her Canon 550D

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I just hope that someday it'll all turn out alright and everything's gonna work out but I can't help but to feel terrible, can't help but to feel useless.

Sometimes i feel like i don't know her anymore, it's like i'm now in love with someone that i don't know. Sometimes it just feels like i just haven't met you yet.

I might have to wait, I'll never give up I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck

A happy occasion;

2010-09-21T23:11:00.003+08:00

porkpie hat(asos), shirt(JL sales, $10), t-shirt(zara), pants(vol.ta), shoes(vans)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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Since it was my grandmother's 92nd birthday and i figured i should go dressed up in bright colors. I decided to wear this red shirt that i recently bought for $10, as the color red is deemed auspicious.

I don't really think we need really awesome branded items to look good. Expensive items are awesome, but your style is more important.

Won't you say you love me too.

Rock my world

2010-09-18T23:11:00.001+08:00

Rock, Dj Spinna

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It don't always have to be sad and lugubrious.

What's written can't be erased;

2010-09-17T01:11:00.000+08:00

straw hat(?), tee shirt(punkstar), jeans(uniqlo), shoes(converse)

Photos taken by : my younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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This is the 3rd look that i've posted consecutively wearing the same pair of shoes. I just feel like i don't need to constantly change my look from top to bottom to make it look new. That explains the converse shoe, besides, i really love wearing it. ha.

People say "a picture speaks a thousand words", I hope i got the message through my pictures instead of typing it out, because i know everyone's tired of reading my rants.

If L is for Love, Y is for You.

I just wanna tell you; Day 162

2010-09-14T11:11:00.002+08:00

cap(?), shirt(ralph lauren), jeans(topman), shoes(converse), bag(?)

Photos taken by : my younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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This look is actually impromptu because i've just revamped my shoes. This pair of converse had accompanied me for the past 2years, so i decided it's time for it to come out of the closet and had a makeover. However, all i did was just changed it's shoelace. ha. I love how converse shoes look nicer when it's worn out, which makes it very convenient. Even though i've changed it appearance, i still can't change the fact that it's 2 years old.

Just because i've changed on the outside, doesn't mean i'm changed on the inside.

Imperfect;

2010-09-11T00:34:00.002+08:00

Nothing's perfect, an out of focus picture.

Today I chased a customer across the street because she left her baby's handkerchief behind. While i was chasing her I accidentally dropped my phone on the road and a car then sped pass it about 2 seconds later. It left my phone in pieces, literally. However, this phone is a precious item to me, because it belonged to my dad so i stood there and picked it up piece by piece as the cars pass by me relentlessly.

I suppose life's like this just because some things are broken, doesn't mean you have to throw it away.

Like a relationship, just because we've broken up, doesn't mean I have to start anew.

Relief; Day 156

2010-09-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

cap(new era), teeshirt(wrecking crew orchestra's 10th anniversary), pants(vol.ta), stripe socks(?), shoes(converse)

Photos taken by : my younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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Finally, my exams are over.

Even though there's only one paper, i really felt the pressure, but now that it's over i feel so relieved.

This is what i wore to exams today, my outfit today is based on comfort and my own style. Nothing too formal, but also, nothing too casual.

Where's my sliver lining?

Embrace the world;

2010-09-06T01:23:00.001+08:00

Crazy For You, Best Coast

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Yes i am, i'm crazy for you. This 80's kinda music is rocking my soul now, ha.

Let's embrace the world together, feel the wind brushing on your skin, enjoy the world we're living in and most importantly, put a smile up on your face.

I really miss you.

Step it up;

2010-09-04T01:23:00.001+08:00

Gotta step it up, stats exam is just 3 days away. No time to think about other things (i hope).

C'mon, it's just 3 days, i just don't need to think about her for 3 days, i certainly can do it. I must, scratch that, i WILL do that.

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sometimes, it takes a little more than just being.

Simple girl;

2010-09-01T23:11:00.004+08:00

Simple Girl, Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.

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I remember posting this picture before ,87 days ago. This is a different shot taken on the same day, filled with the same feelings for the same girl.

And the only reason why i decided to post this other shot 87 days later, is because she's always on my mind 87 days ago or 87 days afters.

strike a pose and put on a smile.

Fake a smile; 20th August

2010-08-30T00:34:00.007+08:00

straw hat(?), grey tee (topman), chinos (asos), espadrilles (asos)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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Posting looks up on my blog is just a way of expressing myself.

I wanted to go for something really casual, but not too casual. I tried to play with the colors and to make the color of my espadrilles "pop out".Yes, i'm a color-blind, but i can't keep using this as an excuse for coming up with lousy color combinations,

i just try my best to express myself in the utmost original manner that truly represents me.

cowers in fear upon seeing her afar ain't dope.

What are the chances;

2010-08-26T00:34:00.002+08:00

No Other Way, Jack Johnson

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It hurts so bad, hurts so much.

There's no other way, i really have to face it. Time doesn't really heal. No, not at all, it just watches as we fall. I really want her to know. Time passes and life goes on, whether i choose to dwell in this or if i choose to let it go, it's my choice. We all choose who we want to be, what we want to live for.

And i choose you.

Won't you say you love me too; 4th August

2010-08-24T23:11:00.001+08:00

specs (asos), cardigan (?), t-shirt (punkstar), berms (crocodile), hi-top trainers (asos)

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90.

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This is me before i shaved me head.

No matter how much i change myself with the time, there's one thing that's not changing.

That's my feelings for her. You know, there are times where you feel that you've already let it go, and that it's time to start anew, but there'll be certain moments that proves you wrong. I'm gonna face this fact head on. It's not that i didn't try to move on, believe me i did. It just didn't turn out the way i thought it would.

Well, this is part of growing up, things won't always go your way.

Time won't promise that the people around you will always be there,

so while they are still there, cherish.

Time ain't helping; 138 days

2010-08-21T00:34:00.000+08:00

Baby Blue Eyes, A Rocket To The Moon

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Time ain't helping at all, time ain't healing, time ain't doing shit.

Colorful emotions;

2010-08-19T23:11:00.002+08:00

Cap (new era), specs (taiwan), denim shirt (ralph lauren), jeans (uniqlo), striped socks (?), shoes (vans), bag (?)

Photos taken by : Rachael Lee, with her Canon 550D

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Went out with my poly classmates. Some of my closest friends yet. These pictures were taken at SCAPE, by one of my close friend Rachael, the rest of the photos could be found here. I would love to post a picture of her, but i haven't ask for her consent yet, so i probably shouldn't.

Also, this is my first look posted after shaving my head. Hats are essential to me now, because now it feels like i can't leave home with something covering my head. ha

Originality shapes your style.

Semi-formal ; 26 July

2010-08-17T23:11:00.006+08:00

Grey jumper (uniqlo), shirt (espirit), jeans (topman), mid-top trainers (vans).

Photos taken by : my younger brother, with his Nikon D90

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I repeated two items in this look, the first use of the two items is here. I suppose all clothes are versatile in their own way. I'm no fashionista but i feel that there's no definite match or combination of clothes you have to wear to make it look good, neither is it having lots of clothes to wear. It's how you mix and match what you originally have and create a new look out of it that makes it dope.

Let's define our style, and not let our style define us.

Better Together;

2010-08-15T23:11:00.005+08:00

Better Together, Jack Johnson

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i want go back to the start, where everything was blissful.

Where there was you and me, because everything is always better when we're together.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

2010-08-13T23:11:00.004+08:00

yes they aren't.

Make it better;

2010-08-11T23:11:00.005+08:00

Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart (Cover by MattCab)

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first off, let me start this post with something happy,

Happy birthday jinkai!

wishing you all the best in your jc life, take care yea!

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"I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had"

128days, one hundred and twenty eight days.

I am just constantly getting this, getting this thing stuck in my head.

i really do hope i'll get better,

i really do hope i'll be fine,

i really do hope i'll make it,

i really do hope you'll come back.

so much for hoping.

Next up;

2010-08-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

Oversized shirt (G2000), jeans (uniqlo), shoes (vans), specs (asos)

Photos taken by : Mother, with a Nikon D90.

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This is my other experiment with an oversized shirt, i'm really beginning to love the comfort of oversized shirts. Anyway, the reason for this look was for a presentation. I chose a pair of jeans and my vans shoes that i usually wear for bboy, partially because i was going for dance after the presentation, but the main reason is because i don't want to be too typical. i still want my comfort and style! ha

Oh, and i shaved my head. haha, my way of saying, "i miss you, dad."

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Be original, because no matter what, you will still be you.

Arduous;

2010-08-05T22:57:00.002+08:00

Bittersweet Symphony (Instrumental)

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"Life at best is bittersweet."

Let's fight fire with fire;

2010-08-04T01:21:00.004+08:00

Frente, Bizarre Love Triangle.

" Every time i think of you,
I get a shock right through into a bolt of blue.
It's no problem of mine but its a problem i find,
living a life that i can't leave behind.
There's no sense in telling me,
the wisdom of a fool won't set you free. "

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If i were your (Fill in the blank) ;

2010-08-01T02:02:00.006+08:00

Recap of July,

1) Bryan's partaee was dope

2) Started posting "looks" here.

3) Tried to forget her.

4) Attempt was thought to succeed

5) Still failed.

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That's about everything.

Term test on the 2nd August, which is the upcoming monday.

YES, it is stressful although it's my only paper for this term because it seems to me that, if there's only one paper for the term test, and i score badly, wth am i doing?

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Recently, my cousins just started a new blog shop.

With the ongoing fashion trend, everyone's doing this. However, this blog shop proves to be something different all together, bringing you clothes overseas (such as HongKong etc.) that is certainly ONE-OF-A-KIND. The style of clothing from The Handlebars will not only be sleek and stylish, it's also extremely unique and fashionable. So do check it out guys, show some love!

(click here for the shop itself!)

Let's face it ;

2010-07-28T23:05:00.004+08:00

I'm never gonna forget.

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inspiration : Pascal Grob

Checkered shirt (older brother's), Formal pants (vol.ta), Plimsoll (asos), bag (???)

Photo 1,2,3,4 taken by my younger brother

Photo 5,6,7 taken by my mother!

(All of the pictures are taken with my brother's Nikon D90)

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This is one of the times where i try new "looks" to go to school.

Shirts is one of the tops i love but often not wear out because it always feel warm and that movement is very restricted.

However, after seeing how Pascal wore his oversized shirt, i was determined to try the look. The feeling of an oversized shirt is so relax and loose, it's just awesome.

Style is within you, be what you want, when you want.

Officially missing you;

2010-07-25T22:58:00.005+08:00

Officially Missing You (Cover of Tamia), JS

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It's just not right.

Second thoughts;

2010-07-23T21:49:00.005+08:00

second thoughts ain't dope.

Grey sweater (Older brother's, uniqlo), Grey tee (topman), Black jeans (topman), Hi-top trainers (asos), bag (levis).

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90.

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Being a color-blind, matching colors isn't easy, sometimes i struggle with colors. But i try my best to come up with a good combination. For this look, matching two grey tops together might not be the perfect combination but it seems sleek. This pair of hi-top trainers was bought from asos in a rush, it's the kind of shoes that i won't always wear because till now i don't really know what color it is. ha.

Basically, this is what i wear to school, i don't always try to fit in with the social norms but at times, being normal is awesome.

Even if the world doesn't shine as bright for me, i'll make the best out of it.

Let's not dwell in the past;

2010-07-22T01:03:00.006+08:00

This is my first post not counting the number of days i've not spoken to her.

This marks a fresh new start. This marks.... i don't know what else.

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This is my first ever "look" post. (let's be nice and not judge.)

inspiration : Pascal Grob

The nerd & geeky specs(asos), denim shirt (ralph lauren), black relaxed cardigan (somewhere from tampines), two-stoned yardstick Chinos (asos), the retro sports plimsolls (asos).

Photos taken by : My younger brother, with his Nikon D90.

Basically, most of the items were bought from ASOS. It's a pity the wavy and baggy sides of the cardigan couldn't be seen in these pictures. The chinos is the highlight of this look! I suppose many people have forgotten the feeling of wearing relaxed, straight cut pants, the freedom of movement it provides is just awesome.

this is me, i like to wear what i like, when i like, where i like.

Day 100 of living without;

2010-07-14T00:08:00.004+08:00

"To keep her caged, would just delay the spring."

- Travis, The Cage

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100th day, i wonder what i should say here. This is alright, the feeling isn't that awesome, because i am giving myself another chance. So this is it.

This is the day, where everything changes.

Click Here

(that is bullshit. haha)

//////

100 days isn't tough neither was it easy.

- Travis, The Cage

Day 93 of living without;

2010-07-08T01:22:00.002+08:00

Let's just say i am waiting.

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Can you feel it?

A week away from hitting the 100th day, look at how time flies.

Look at,

how many days spent pondering,

how many days spent dreaming,

how many days spent forgetting,

how many days spent trying.

//////

I'm getting better, i suppose.

Day 90 of living without;

2010-07-05T01:23:00.003+08:00

Indefinitely, this is it.

///

Here's a picture

Let me name all of them.

On the extreme right, Rachael Lee Zhi Yi, one of the most awesome friends out there, always willing to hear me out whenever.

Beside her, Qixiang, well, he's the malay stepper, a funny person and extremely fun to be with.

Then there's Bryan grasping Eddie. Bryan's a cool guy with great acting skills that never fails to trick us.

Eddie is the only malay in the class, he has a love for british music, always trying to influence us with his choice of music.

The small face in the background is Cornelius, the greatest friend out there, although he might be crude and tough on the outside, i know he cares for all of us.

Then slightly below Corn, is Yu Ting, she's a nice person, friendly. Willing to help with my work whenever i ask her.

Then there's Maeve, she's irritatingly funny, but well, she's alright.

//////

Day 82 of living without;

2010-06-27T23:59:00.003+08:00

I falling out.

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I'm feeling more neutral about everything a lot more. I suppose i'm slowly pacing myself to forget about my feelings or rather suppress them, cause no one really forgets about these kinda things.

Anyway, the picture above, is taken last tuesday. Special occasion speech day, fun and awesome. Love you guys who made it so great.

- "Well, one tries."

Day 72 of living without;

2010-06-17T22:48:00.007+08:00

I feel you.

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It's been awhile since my last post, but i don't think there's anything special on my blog.

It's just the same guy having the same feelings for the same girl on the same blog.

Maybe i'm trying to prove a point, maybe i just can't let go, maybe i don't want to, maybe i just don't think i should, maybe i still want this, maybe i am still me.

who misses you more than i do?

Live high, Jason Mraz

Day 61 of living without;

2010-06-06T01:09:00.006+08:00

Together, Neyo

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i'm keeping my promise.

Day 56 of living without;

2010-06-01T01:16:00.003+08:00

The Only Exception, Paramore

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This is an innovative way of blogging music i adapted from Pascal Grob, my recent inspiration for fashion. I love the way it looks. Please don't judge me.

Simplistic is key.

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From this day on, i swear i'm gonna be better. Dwelling in self pity isn't gonna help. I will get better.

- " Mind over Matter; Mind > Matter "

i swear i still do love you.

Day 55 of living without;

2010-05-31T00:45:00.002+08:00

Consistency

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I now know forgetting is impossible.

So i'm just gonna sit around and live with it. Instead of pretending.

//////

Wednesday is my first paper, dang i'm still chilling around.

Day 54 of living without;

2010-05-30T02:16:00.001+08:00

- yes we are.

Day 51 of living without;

2010-05-28T00:06:00.004+08:00

51, fifty one.

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woah, seriously time flies, term test is just a week from now. Have been getting chills and sleepless nights over certain issues, be it studies or a broken heart. Haven't been able to dance this week, so it's kinda torturous in a way that i can't relieve myself of this intense anxiety. So, my backup solution is to watch How I Met You Mother, awesome show. I should probably hit the hay, so good night world, and another emotional-yet-some-what-exciting day soon approaches.

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- " If only, if only you, if only you saw. "

Day 47 of living without;

2010-05-24T22:50:00.002+08:00

I wished i know you better.

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Term test coming up, lotsa modules to cover, chapters unrevised, work undone.

But the good part about this is, i'm occupied. Occupied and phased all other thoughts outside of me, or did i.

//////

" Here I am and I been thinking about you lately, hold my hand 'cause I been missing you like crazy. "

- Alicia Keys, This Bed

Knowing that you are gone. How awesome that is.

Day 44 of living without;

2010-05-21T21:28:00.003+08:00

Tell me this is still a trance.

//////

It's kinda hard to cope with this feeling, but still okay, i'm seriously getting used to it.

" And you'll sleep till May and you'll say, that you don't wanna see the sun anymore. "

- Paramore, When It Rains

I will never forget about you, because only you can rock my world, everything else is just a trance.

//////

44 days and counting.

Day 40 of living without;

2010-05-17T00:09:00.003+08:00

I promised that this post wouldn't be too sad to digest.

//////

I promise i won't feel sorry for myself today;

i promise i won't be dwelling in a corner today;

i promise i won't think about her today;

i promise i won't want her back today;

i promise that i'll keep my promise.

My promise to love you for every other day.

//////

Nothing's more important than my family and her to me.

note : only today, only today.

Day 36 of living without;

2010-05-13T23:39:00.002+08:00

Living without air is.. somewhat interesting.

The funniest thing about my posts are that, i keep telling myself, "yes i will move on, for my friends, for her and for me." but the truth is, i never really did try. Or rather, i don't put in any effort. Could have given up so easily, but whenever i think of her, it's just impossible to forget.

However, things are finally start to get better.

Stats test was easy, assignments are done, nothing's being lagged behind. bboying is tiring but oh-so-rewarding. Even though i've only started bboying for less than a year, but i will continue to practice because it makes me forget about everything else.

Day 33 of living without;

2010-05-10T22:18:00.002+08:00

i still remember what a lollipop meant. What it means to me.

//////

Didn't feel really good last weekend, was sick.

Alright, school's fine till, assignments and quizzes are stressful but i think i need this to occupy my mind. I think bboying is now an essential part of my lifestyle. hahaha, gotta dance dance dance! keep myself occupied!

Day 29 of living without;

2010-05-06T22:01:00.003+08:00

i should kill myself before the clock strikes 12.

//////

Let me bathe in a pool of criticism, perish and drown in my own misery.

and just die without any recognition.

Emo kid, pretty much.

Day 28 of living without;

2010-05-05T00:41:00.002+08:00

I just need a hole to jump into.

//////

2 more days? and god knows what'll happen to me?

the sad truth is, one day, my friends will start to avoid conversations with me, because in the midst of any conversation, i'll muted by the thought of you. They'll get tired of me, tired of me feel sad for myself, tired of my quotes from you, even counting the number of days i've last talked to you. 28 days, 672 hours, as each hour goes by, heart aches more than ever.

When the day do come, which is the case right now, since some of my old friends aren't really my friends anymore, ha. I have less people to rant to, and eventually i'll be ranting to a mirror. I feel like moving on for the sake of the poor ears of my friends? But, really, it's easier said than done, or rather, i can't break through my own barrier. The worse part of the whole thing, is no one could understand.

Living a life of regret? pretty much.

//////

But no matter how dejected i'm feeling, that's always a part of me, glad that you're happier without me.

Day 24 of living without;

2010-05-01T01:20:00.005+08:00

Confusion.

//////

awesome friends in TP psychology..

Cherlyn!

Ju-on (still cherlyn though)

Rachael!

the nicest of peeps i've met, oh and there's another rachel, RACHEL TAY KAIREI ! I don't have a picture of her though. It doesn't matter. They're really nice peeps, maybe except for cherlyn. ( just kidding, sorry lao da) Fun to hang out with and too nice to be true.

//////

i feel so confused right now. Mixed emotions. How was your english paper? I'll never know, for sure. Trying my best not to think of her, but sometimes thinking of her makes me feel better, paradoxical much.

in the free fall i will realize, i'm better off when i hit the bottom.

Day 20 of living without;

2010-04-26T00:17:00.002+08:00

Leave things the way they are.

Paramore - The only exception.

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And cursed at the wind
He broke his own heart
And i watched
As he tried to re-assemble it

And my momma swore
that she would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darlin',
You, are, the only exception
But, you, are, the only exception
But, you, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe i know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And i've always lived like this
Keeping it comfortable,
distance, and up until now
I'd sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it
was ever worth the risk, but...

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Oh

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing.
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing.

" You are the only exception, that has made me feel this way. "

//////

I'm sure that i saw her today while i was studying, well.. i was petrified, i tried to hide. Did my best so as to not let her see me. I know for sure i succeeded, but it left me wondering, if i could keep up with this facade. I did not want to face her, but somewhere deep down in me is dying to see her lovely face, her captivating smile even if i wasn't the cause of it, but for sure i'm supposed to be pleased with my choice.

All i've ever think of now, is her. I just feel that if i could just, just prove to myself that everything's worth it. All these emotional junk is worth going through, to see her smile, that dazzles everyone.

//////

I wonder, if someone else could be "me" better than me. If that someone would choose to feel the way i feel.

Day 18 of living without;

2010-04-24T11:51:00.004+08:00

Live life to the fullest.

because, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I've learn to face reality! gotta stay strong. I've stopped trying not to think about her, because thinking of her always makes me feel better. So.. yes.

TPDE auditions later, i'm not really worried, because i know i won't get in.

It feels so much better when you are doing something and you know you won't feel any worse because you've already experienced the worst ever.

//////

" I'll feel a sense of achievement each time i fail, and try harder the next time. "